Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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