My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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