We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
