i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize