I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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