it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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