Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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