Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
