thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
