I just saw a hot homeless man
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
