who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
