was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
