You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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