WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
