id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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