Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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