my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
