Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You smell like stripper and shame
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
