I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
