Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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