dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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