Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
