Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
