what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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