Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
