would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
