My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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