the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
