Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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