By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
