just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
