so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sober January is a disaster.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
