you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
