I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
