so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
