i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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