What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
