that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize