I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
