I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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