under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
