i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
