i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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