but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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