Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
