I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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