She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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