she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
