some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize