My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
