I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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