That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
