Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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