Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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