This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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