I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize