# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
