I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
