I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
