I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
