You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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