nut hugger
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
