Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
