Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
