No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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