i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
