dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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