A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
