Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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