Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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