I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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