Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
