last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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