she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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