I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
