she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
