There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
