worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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