And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize