Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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