it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
