do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
