I look better un-naked...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
