if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize