I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
